(no subject)

as simon would say, i am a bit fucked off.
now the holiday was super - it was great to be on the farm for a week, with thunderstorms, fires, my folks and hot chocolate. i definitely had a chat with mortality as my mom sat me down to read her will and go over details of their lives like their medications, health concerns, safety deposit boxes, etc.
made me think long and hard about how little control any of us have and how brief a time we dance around.
would like to impart some of this to my kid, but he is busy dancing around and i cant pin him down at all. to be honest, i am tired of being the voice of reason for him, reminding him of what he is supposed to do. i dont want to be anyones drudge.
spent the day getting caught up. we had no internet or cell phone access at all. it was good to be unplugged.
how do people do huge things? how do they grasp the unknowable and make it tangible? i want to do that. simon can write a story, draw a picture. blake can write a song, paint and write poetry. i need my outlet too, but more than an outlet - a contribution. i get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone - making a living and taking care of all the details. fuck i will be glad to close the coffin lid on this year, thats for sure.

i do have an interesting new project on the horizon. a research gig for a documentary that may be very good. more on this later.

in the meantime, chasing down $$ as one does when one freelances.