the thing is

i can do a corporate job. it just occured to me today that we can plan a little better. rather than really start my own biz right now(which is ok for this month, but next month is up in the air, shifitng am moving about). maybe i can just get a solid job and support us for a year while simon gets the writing thiing really solid. we can go ahead and use the savings as a down payment on a lttle house or condo or whatever. i have really good credit. i can do anything for a year(almost. no wankers.) and it would do me good. whaddya think, o journal friend o' mine?

the docu stuff is great fun, but sketchy, the consulting is good too, but frustrating - its hard to wait for results. i dont know. i just want simon to feel better. fuck i want to feel better and if truth is told, i am a little stir crazy. both of us want to have more disposable income... we want to do more.
so if we do this for a year, maybe i can go back to school?
we can figure out all this stuff. right now it is just changing day to day. too much stress and we snap at each other.
but we do laugh and love also.
fuck.fuck,fuck. i just want it to be easy.
i want our own house. with windows and a garden and a fireplace with hardwood floors and a porch. a studio for simon, a little office for me. a tree or two and room for a veggie plot and just maybe a dog. a nice place, nice neighbors, room to have parties...
oh i want the world, who am i kidding...